Annie's BlogTO BE OR NOT TO BE A POP SINGER? Or ‘How To Sabotage Your Chances Of Success’ When I was 14 years old I decided that I wanted to be a Famous Pop Singer, like Dusty Springfield or Shirley Bassey both of whom I could imitate perfectly. In the playground at class breaks, I would get huge applause for singing in front of groups of admiring schoolgirls, who would encourage me to keep on singing all the latest pop songs, so I did. I loved the attention I got, even though I remember always feeling nervous, that somehow I might make a mistake and they wouldn’t like me anymore. But singing made me feel worthwhile, I felt special and talented because I was always picked out to sing the solos and lead the choir. My music teacher thought I had one of the best voices she had ever heard (obviously she hadn’t been around much!) and said my voice should be trained and that I should go on Music College to train to be a professional singer. Fat chance of that happening! I knew I had the voice, but I was certainly not good enough to go to College! And my parent’s certainly could not afford to send me to College. Still, she believed in me, even if I didn’t believe in myself, and entered me into the first of its kind National Television Talent Show, ‘Home Grown’, hosted by Hughie Greene, back then in 1961, a huge TV favourite. I didn’t believe that I would win the show but and practiced ‘Moon River’ for hour after hour until I was note and word perfect and even I agreed it sounded very good. The day before the Big Day came for me to go to London for my audition I awoke with a terrible sore throat, I had completely ‘lost my voice’. Mum and Dad were sympathetic, gave me honey and lemon drinks and Mum even took me to the Doctor who diagnosed Laryngitis. The Big Day dawned and still I could not utter a word. I was devastated, how could this happen? On this one day where I would get the only chance in my life to sing and prove to everybody how good I really was. I had such high hopes and now my only chance to ‘make it’ had fled along with my voice. My dreams and aspirations were dashed into a million pieces (note the tragedy). I would never again be offered the opportunity of realising my dreams. However, I think secretly I was too afraid to go for the audition for fear of losing and humiliating or making a fool of myself, perhaps of not living up to my teacher’s expectations. So I had sabotaged my chances of success and after that there were no more thoughts of fame and fortune for me, no more chances to prove how good I was. I would have to accept that I would always be mediocre and ordinary and would never get the opportunity of realising my dream of becoming another Dusty Springfield. Even though I was invited on another interview, I didn’t take the offer, I think I had given up and justified my dreams as being a childish whim. Can you imagine all the negative beliefs I’ve had to undo attached to this? Note; interestingly enough in this story there was no ego involved, I did not think I was better than everybody else or presume to think that I could actually make the big time, my self-esteem was too poor for that. Just the wish to be special or get approval by using a talent somebody else told me I had.
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