COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS

'Young girls are more afraid of getting  fat,
than of their parent's dying, or nuclear war'

How good our self-esteem is depends upon the negative or positive input we received from our family of origin. If we grew up in a family where we were critisised, judged or belittled, we will probably have many negative beliefs about ourselves.We use these negative beliefs as yardsticks to compare ourselves to others. Comparing ourselves negatively to others slowly and systematically destroys our self-esteem and self-confidence.

If, because we were not encouraged or acknowledged by the people close to us, we believed that we were not as smart as our friends or siblings, then we came to believe that ‘there was something wrong with us’ and that we were 'just not good enough'. For those of us who believed  'we would never fit in because we were too fat, too ugly, not tall enough, not good looking, or not pretty  enough' we also ended up believing we were 'outcasts and misfits'.  These negative beliefs create low self-esteem and poor self confidence.

Low self-esteem has serious consequences for our long-term happiness and can be the harbinger of  a life-long depression. Everything we experience is viewed from a subconscious position of self-hatred or self-dislike and these feelings are often projected outward onto others and the world. Feeling inadequate and inferior can be soul destroying and hold us back in every area of our life.

When we find it difficult to develop long lasting relationships or believe in ourselves enough to get the job we always wanted, it increases our feelings of isolation and loneliness and exclusion. Thereby validating the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves, continually creating a vicious circle that reinforces our self-image.

Low self-esteem can also lead us into a life of self-abuse and self-destruction, trying to smother our feelings with alcohol, drugs and food or becoming involved in dangerous activities. Or sometimes it can cause us to become aggressive and take our hurt and rejection out on others by criticising and condemning or punishing them.

We are unique; each one of us is special and has our ownparticular gifts and talents. We often cannot see these gifts or talents because we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others, we do not spare a look  at ourselves to see who we truly are.

Removing negative beliefs about ourselves,  increases our self-esteem and self confidence and helps us become more of who we were meant to be, and less of who we have been 'led to believe' we are. Removing negative beliefs helps us to be the person we were born to be,giving us back our own identity and dignity.

Judging Others